Chapter 5

The Star Leave the Love Behind

    Homlom couldn't fathom how he got through the first night after Grandpa Kloi's passing, especially with Homnoi crying incessantly in front of the coffin, yearning for his grandfather. Anyone who saw him felt a deep sympathy. Fortunately, by the second night, the little one's distress had eased. The little boy began to volunteer to help others, his face still marked by sorrow.

    "It's strange. It's like he wants to cry but has to hold it in," Inpha remarked as he arranged flowers in front of the coffin. The first night after Grandpa Kloi's passing had been chaotic, with the weather not cooperating. It wasn't until the next morning that everything was finally in order.

    "Lom agrees, it's strange, but don't know why." His beautiful eyes watching the small boy diligently cleaning the Buddhist altar.

    "Try asking the folks in the kitchen. People just talk without thinking."

    Lady Laor-Ong sat on a wooden chair, delicately trimming flowers. Grandpa Kloi's funeral was a three-night religious ceremony, with Lady Laor-Ong taking charge. Luckily, the villagers were kind enough to help with cooking, and the men pitched in to move things. Grandpa Kloi was a good man, and many came to pay their respects. Since the temple had only two monks, Venerable Brother and Venerable Father, Grandma arranged for monks from other temples to join the ceremony. The first night was quite a struggle, but by tonight, there was time to properly honor the old man.

    Homlom furrowed his brow. "What are the kitchen folks saying, Grandma? Why is Homnoi acting this way?"

    The grandmother sighed, seeing both grandsons looking at her with interest. With Grandpa Kloi gone, Little Homnoi was now an orphan without family. Even if he had relatives on his grandmother's side, they wouldn't take him in, having chased both grandfather and grandson away like animals. The child's fate had only two paths: either go to an orphanage or become a temple boy here.

    "I think he chose to be a temple boy here, which is why he's trying to be useful, running around helping everyone."

    "That's terrible. Is there nothing else to talk about?" Homlom was irritated.

    "They're probably speaking out of concern for Homnoi, Lom...I think everyone cares for him, but they might not realize how it affects those who hear it." Inpha comforted his younger brother, confident that the villagers who volunteered to help meant no harm to the boy.

    "Lom knows..." Homlom sighed. "But Lom wishes he could cry more. Even though Lom doesn't like seeing him cry, Homnoi is only four years old, not even five yet. Why should he have to worry about these things? Isn't his life unfortunate enough already? Can't he even grieve…?"

    Inpha and Mrs. Laor-Ong remained silent, watching Homnoi who was focused on cleaning the Buddhist altar, not even lifting his head to look around. Such a small back, yet burdened with so many emotions. No wonder Homlom was upset. Homlom gently reached out to touch his grandmother's leg as she sat on the chair, looking up to seek her kindness.

    "Grandma...Lom."

    But Mrs. Laor-Ong interrupted, "Raising a child isn't easy, Lom. Besides money, there are many other factors to consider. Have you thought this through?"

    "Lom’s certain, Grandma. Lom has never been more sure of anything. Lom wants to adopt Homnoi," Homlom affirmed resolutely, unable to abandon a poor boy—the little boy he loved…

    "Then I have no objections, my dear."

    The grandmother replied with a gentle smile. Her grandson was grown now, almost thirty years old. Homlom had never asked her for anything before, so she trusted he had thought it through.

    Homlom beamed widely and bowed down to his grandmother's lap. Now, there was nothing to worry about.

    The little boy diligently cleaned the Buddhist altar and chairs, his eyes swollen from crying heavily. He wiped away his tears as they threatened to fall again. Homnoi wanted to be useful; he didn't want to leave this place. At least here, he had Venerable Brother and Venerable Father, who were kind to him, and most importantly, he had Kind Uncle.

    "Homnoi..." Homlom sat down next to the boy, noticing the wet tears on his lashes. "Let's go eat. Uncle Inpha made shrimp porridge himself today...it's really delicious."

    "Kind Uncle..."

    "Yes?"

    "Can I stay here?" he asked softly, looking up at the once-stranger who he now loved dearly. Besides Grandpa, Grandma, and Mommy, whose face he couldn't remember, Kind Uncle was the person Homnoi loved the most. "I'll be a good boy, help sweep the temple grounds, clean the floors, and follow Venerable Father and Venerable Brother on their alms rounds like Uncle Boonchai does every morning."

    "Homnoi..."

    "Can I stay here, please? Kind Uncle doesn't have to visit me every day. Just come...come." He lifted his small fingers to count. "Come three days..." Homnoi hesitated, realizing it might be too much. "Come once every five days. I'll wait. I'll be a good boy...a very good boy."

    The aunt in the kitchen told Homnoi not to bother Kind Uncle too much. He was kind and compassionate, so he had to be a good boy and humble himself. One day, if he stopped loving him, it would be bad. Who would send him to school? I didn't fully understand, just feared that Kind Uncle would stop loving me.

    Please don't let it be like that. Homnoi loved Kind Uncle very much and wanted to be with him forever. Please don't stop loving him...

    Homlom felt a lump in his throat as he gazed into Homnoi's wide eyes, filled with a mix of pleading, sadness, and hope. Above all, there was a clear love directed at him. Little Homnoi was the first person outside of his family to look at him with such pure and adoring love... it was so overwhelming that Homlom nearly wanted to cry from the sheer emotion.

    "I won't let you go anywhere, not at all..."

    His soft hand wiped away the boy's tears and snot without any disgust, pulling the small body into a loving embrace. The child and the adult hugged each other, crying loudly in the pavilion, under the watchful eyes of Mrs. Laor-Ong and Inpha. If anyone else could see, it would be the portrait of Grandpa Kloi in front of the coffin.

    By nearly five in the evening, guests began to arrive. Besides the villagers, there were also people of status attending the event, because Lady Laor-Ong herself was in charge of the arrangements. Therefore, Grandpa Kloi's funeral, the undertaker without relatives when alive, was crowded with socially prominent figures. Even the district chief brought his wife to attend. Homlom glanced at the couple discussing land matters with his grandmother, feeling extremely irritated by their presence.

    Due to exhaustion from crying and running around helping others, Homnoi had fallen asleep on his lap, his small face nestled against Homlom's chest as if seeking refuge. Homlom decided to carry Homnoi to the kitchen behind the pavilion, seeing that Lady Laor-Ong had Auntie Pranom to look after her.

    "Oh...he's asleep already?"

    Inpha was busy with a large pot of curry. Funerals here were grand affairs, especially with Lady Laor-Ong as the organizer, nothing could be overlooked. Inpha, as her grandson, took charge of the kitchen, assisted by aunts helping with the work. The slender figure checked his wristwatch.

    "All done, just in time for the guests."

    "When Grandpa Kloi was alive, not a single person cared. Now that he's dead, all these high-society folks show up, using the funeral as a chance to talk to Grandma. Some even come for the free food," Homlom whispered through clenched teeth, worried that the little boy in his arms might hear. He was willing to welcome the villagers wholeheartedly, knowing they came with genuine intentions, but those people...

    Inpha smiled. Lom, meaning the breeze, was indeed as calm as his name suggested, but once angered, he held grudges deeply. Despite his quiet demeanor, don't underestimate his ability to retaliate. The nickname sharp-tongued in Chuenpakdee House wasn't earned by chance. Even Klinmok couldn't compete when his brother was serious.

    "Well, at least they give envelopes[1]," Inpha joked, not overthinking like his younger brother.

    "I've already talked to Grandma about donating all of it. As for Homnoi, Lom can take care of him myself without relying on that money," Homlom sighed, feeling his irritation rise too high. "Lom’s going to leave Homnoi with you, Brother In. Lom needs to use the restroom."

    "Oh...I need to go too."

    The two Chuenpakdee brothers exchanged a silent look. Waking the peacefully sleeping child seemed too cruel. Just then, one of the cooks spoke up in a local dialect that was still understandable.

    "You can leave him here. We'll take care of him."

    Homlom hesitated, worried that these people might say something to upset Homnoi again. His heart was anxious and suspicious, but when Inpha nodded in agreement with the helpers, Homlom carefully placed the boy on the wooden table, borrowing his brother's shoulder bag for the child to rest his head on. Inpha didn't mind at all and even took off his own coat and draped over the small body to keep him warm.

    The Omega who was nearing thirty couldn't help but smile when he saw one of the aunts using a newspaper to chase away mosquitoes from Homnoi. As Grandma and Brother In had said, these people weren't bad, just sometimes spoke without thinking.

    He chose to express his gratitude sincerely, "Thank you very much. Please take care of Homnoi."

    "The grandson of Lady Laor-Ong takes care of Little Homnoi like a mother caring for her child."

    As soon as the two Chuenpakdee brothers left, the cooks' chatter resumed, without any ill intent, just unable to hold their tongues.

    "Shouldn't it be father and child? Mr. Homlom is a man," a middle-aged woman countered her friend.

    "But he's an Omega, isn't he? Nowadays, Omegas all have husbands. Especially the good-looking ones, they all marry rich. You can't look down on them like before!" She emphasized loudly for those who still scorned Omegas.

    "You're not exactly right. Look at Jam's son, the fish stall owner. He's an Omega too, and now he's married, becoming a father with two kids."

    The one interrupted looked displeased. "It's true what you say, but doesn't Mr. Homlom's way of caring for Little Homnoi seem more like a mother? He's been feeding and holding him since morning. No one can touch Little Homnoi without facing his fierce gaze, like a mother bird guarding her eggs."

    "Well, it's lucky for Little Homnoi then."

    "But I think..."

    The conversation continued, moving from one topic to another endlessly. The cooks chatted away, unaware that the boy had been awake since he was taken from the warm embrace of the mother bird named Homlom. Homnoi opened his eyes slightly, turning away from the aunts, afraid they'd catch him pretending to sleep. His heart swelled with emotion at the words he had overheard.

    Kind Uncle is like a mother... Could…could Kind Uncle become my Mommy? Am I asking for too much…?

    When the monks finished chanting, the guests began to leave. Homnoi was awake now, sitting on his knees in front of his grandfather's coffin, looking sorrowful. Occasionally, he would stand and cling to the coffin, pressing his face close as if speaking to the departed. Homlom didn't stop the boy; if it comforted him, he was happy to let him do it.

    "Are you going home tonight?" Inpha asked.

    "Lom thinks we will, Brother In. I feel sorry for Boonchai."

    On the first night at the ceremony pavilion, Homnoi refused to leave, so Homlom decided to stay there with the boy, with Inpha also staying over. Venerable Brother Aidin was concerned because both brothers were Omegas, so he asked Boonchai to keep watch at the front of the pavilion. Even though the old temple boy liked to drink, he was trustworthy. However, Boonchai was bitten by mosquitoes, making them feel sympathetic.

    "Last night...did you see Grandpa, Brother In?" Homlom decided to ask.

    Homlom wasn't afraid of ghosts, having never encountered them. The eerie atmosphere was enough to give him goosebumps but not frighten him. However, his second brother was different. It might sound supernatural, but Inpha had a special sense and could see things others couldn't. Having seen them since birth, he was accustomed and acted like a normal person.

    Inpha, with his shoulder-length hair tied loosely, shook his head in denial. "It's truly his time. Besides, lately, I haven't been able to see them much. I guess our karma ends here."

    "That's good..." Homlom muttered, hoping Grandpa Kloi could leave without worries.

    "And what about Little Homnoi? We're all going home," Inpha expressed concern for the boy, though he was certain that Homlom wouldn't leave Homnoi alone here.

    "Lom'll talk to him myself. Homnoi is a good kid; he's not difficult to talk to," he assured his brother.

    Homlom approached and knelt beside the boy, gently touching his soft hair. The small face turned to look at his Kind Uncle. The darkness after sunset brought back the feeling of loneliness that engulfed the boy once more. Grandpa was truly gone now, even though just the day before yesterday they were still having meals together. Grandpa was still patting Homnoi's back to lull him to sleep.

    "Kind Uncle."

    "Yes?"

    "Where did people go after death? Why can't they come back after they died...hic."

    Homlom saw the anticipation for an answer through the boy's tearful eyes. How should he respond? If he spoke of religious beliefs he held, the soul of the departed would await judgment for their deeds in life. Good deeds lead to heaven, bad ones to hell. When he first learned about religion, he felt apprehensive. It wasn't as beautiful as fairy tales at all.

    Was it too much to ask to share a comforting story with the little one, so he would feel more at ease…?

    Homlom sighed deeply and began to tell the story of life after death that Venerable Brother Aidin had once used to comfort Klinmok when they lost their beloved father.

    "They're probably on a star somewhere far, far away. So far that those who have left can't come back to us, and we can't journey to them either... But I believe that place must be very beautiful."

    "How do you know it's beautiful, Kind Uncle?" The child's round eyes sparkled with curiosity.

    "It must be beautiful because those who have left chose to stay there," Homlom swallowed his sobs, thinking of his grandfather and his parents who never returned to those who waited for them.

    "If I die, will I get to see Grandpa…?"

    The question, coupled with innocent eyes, tugged at Homlom's heart, prompting him to pull the small body closer. Just the thought of the little one possibly leaving him forever was unbearable.

    "If you're not here, who will I be with? I would surely be heartbroken to death."

    Homnoi was startled by this and shook his head vigorously. "I...sob...won't let Kind Uncle be dead. No, sob."

    "I want you to stay with me too. Please don't leave..."

    "But I miss Grandpa, miss him so, so much. What should I do? Waah."

    Seeing Homnoi's pain, Homlom gently cradled the boy's face, wiping away his tears to soothe his suffering. Homlom understood what it was like to experience loss repeatedly…

    "Even though that star is very beautiful, can you stay here with me? I promise to be with you forever," he offered his pinky for a promise.

    This time, Homlom didn't let his tears fall. Though raising a child might be challenging, he was certain with his own thoughts and determined to be strong enough to nurture the little one he loved with all his heart, helping him grow beautifully.

    "Yes...yes, I'll stay. Stay...sob," Homnoi nodded vigorously after hearing Kind Uncle's promise to be together forever.

    "Good boy..." Homlom gently kissed the boy's forehead, revealing a smile so sweet that the little one couldn't help but stare. "Do you know, Homnoi…that we can see that star?"

    The child's big eyes sparkled with wonder. "Really? But you said it's so far away, Kind Uncle."

    "You can see it from right here." Homlom lightly tapped the left side of the boy's chest and then touched his temple. "And here. Try thinking of Grandpa, Homnoi."

    The boy stood still, lowering his head slightly to recall the image of his beloved Grandpa. His small face suddenly broke into a wide smile as he saw Grandpa through his memories. His little heart warmed, feeling as if the person he missed was standing right in front of him.

    "Do you see Grandpa on that star…?" Homlom whispered gently.

    The little boy nodded vigorously. Yes! I really saw Grandpa. Grandpa was smiling at me! Of course, it had to be that way, as the old man always had a smile for his grandson throughout his life.

    "I see him! I see him..."

    "I see him too. I can hear Grandpa's voice as well."

    "Really?!" The child's eyes were filled with joy. "Is Grandpa talking to Kind Uncle? Is Grandpa talking to me too?"

    "Grandpa told me… to take care of Homnoi. Homnoi is Grandpa's heart. Grandpa loves Homnoi very much. Since he can't come back, he asked me to help take care of Homnoi."

    "Hic," Homnoi pursed his lips, unable to hold back his sobs.

    "So I told Grandpa not to worry. I will love and take care of Homnoi. I will be with Homnoi forever. So Grandpa, resting on that star, doesn't have to worry anymore."

    The boy that had been pursing his lips to hold back his sobs cried out loud, rushing to embrace the warm, soft body tightly.

    "Hic, waah...Kind Uncle..."

    Homnoi was more perceptive than other children his age. Of course, he understood the words of the person in front of him. Even if he didn't understand everything, Kind Uncle's words made his little heart warm again. It swelled with emotion, squeezing painfully, but Homnoi was happy, so very happy. It was as if…he wasn't alone in the world, as he had feared for the past two days.

    The feeling of being unwanted, alone in the world, was terrifying. Homnoi was still young but understood clearly. Since Grandpa left, Homnoi didn't know what his future held, didn't know who he would hug tomorrow, who he would sleep with, who would find food for him. When he was hurt, who would hug and comfort him?

    His mother had died before Homnoi could remember. At that time, Homnoi had his grandparents. When his grandmother passed away, Homnoi still had Grandpa. When Grandpa was gone, Homnoi had no one left.

    But just because Kind Uncle promised to be together forever, the fear suddenly faded away.

    Homlom hugged the little one tightly, looking towards the black-and-white photo in front of the coffin. He wasn't just telling Homnoi not to worry, but also hoping Grandpa Kloi could hear. Rest assured that from now on, Homnoi would have him to care for until the little bird was strong enough to fly on its own.

    Homlom convinced the little boy until he could bring him back to the traditional Thai house by the river. Though it was a bit unfamiliar, because Kind Uncle was sleeping beside him, Homnoi felt at ease and almost drifted off to sleep.

    However...

    The storm raged fiercely in the dead of night, causing the small figure to curl up on the mattress. Homnoi's eyes flew open in the dim lamplight. Seeing the person beside him sleeping peacefully, Homnoi didn't dare wake Homlom, knowing that his Kind Uncle had been exhausted all day.

    The rain and strong wind were just like the night Grandpa passed away...

    "Hic...I'm scared," the small voice whimpered softly.

    "Mm..."

    A groan escaped Homlom's throat as he turned onto his side, prompting the little boy to snuggle closer for warmth. Tears fell as Homlom's pale arm instinctively wrapped around the small body, pulling him into a comforting embrace. The gentle scent and warm chest helped Homnoi relax, his round eyes drooping as a heartfelt word slipped out.

    "Mommy..."

    Kind Uncle is asleep and probably don't hear, right? I just wish Kind Uncle could be my mommy.

    "Hic...Mommy."

    The soft whisper gradually grew louder, beyond control. Homnoi knew he was asking too much, yet calling Kind Uncle: Mommy, made his little heart feel so warm. Just being able to call Kind Uncle: Mommy, eased his fear—fear of being alone...

    Homlom awoke in the dim light, the child's unfamiliar address echoing so loud that it almost became a shout. The small arms clung to him and snuggled close, seeking love and warmth. The young translator listened quietly, thinking perhaps the child was just talking in his sleep.

    "Mommy...Mommy, Mommy."

    The repeated calls, along with the wet sensation on his chest, made Homlom realize the boy wasn't just talking in his sleep.

    Mommy...really? In nearly thirty years of life, Homlom had never imagined being a parent. Maybe it was because he never had a lover. With Tatthep, it seemed special, but in the end, it was empty. The dream of a family felt even more distant.

    "Mommy..."

    The word truly tugged at his heart. Homlom bit his lip tightly, feeling strangely good at Homnoi's Mommy. He could hardly suppress a smile.

    "Mommy, Mommy..."

    The little one kept calling repeatedly, showing no sign of stopping. Or maybe...he needed something.

    "Homnoi..."

    "Mommy."

    Homlom took a deep breath, making a monumental decision. Once sure, the nearly-thirty Omega embraced the small child tightly, planting a comforting kiss on his smooth forehead.

    "Yes, my child."

    Just that, the small voice fell silent. In truth, he was just waiting for a response. Homlom could still hear the soft sobbing for several minutes before everything quieted down amidst the steady sound of breathing.

    Pearl-colored eyelids closed, hiding the worry in his eyes. Could he truly be one? To be a mother...a good mother.

[1] When attending a funeral in Thailand, it is customary, but not compulsory, to offer financial support to the host, by putting money in an envelope.