2

    “Anshan.”

    Toop called out to me as I looked at the scene before me. He was with a woman—a famous actress I recognized—who was now seated on his lap. Toop, my husband in name, was a man who would not get close to women outside of acting, at least not unless they were familiar to him. Yet here he was, with his shirt unbuttoned all the way, and her hair was in complete disarray.

    “Anshan.”

    I wanted to leave, but as I turned to go, P’Thian grabbed my wrist.

    “Whose husband is Toop?”

    Her voice was calm, but her gaze was unyielding. She was right. I looked between P’Thian, Toop, and the woman, who gasped upon seeing us enter. Even if Toop did not love me, even if he only wanted a child and not the person who would bear it, he was still my husband. Legally, we were married.

    “Excuse me.”

    I nodded to P’Thian, freed my wrist from her grip, and took a deep breath before walking over to them. The actress made no effort to move away,

    and Toop—my husband—seemed hesitant, one hand lightly pushing her hip.

    If it was so difficult for him, then I would just have to help.

    “What are you doing?! Can’t you see I’m with P’Toop—Ahhh!”

    Her cry filled the room as I firmly but carefully removed her hands from Toop’s shoulders and pulled her away. My emotions were in turmoil, but I restrained myself from using too much force against her.

    Eventually, she stopped resisting and let go.

    “I already apologized earlier, but let me warn you: it’s not appropriate for you to cling to or touch Toop like you just did.”

    Her face contorted in confusion as she alternated glances between me and P’Thian, who was holding back a smile from her corner of the room. The actress looked ready to explode at my words, but before she could move closer to Toop again, I acted first.

    “What do you think you’re doing? How dare you sit on P’Toop’s lap!”

    Her loud voice echoed through the room as I, now seated on Toop’s lap, bit my lip tightly.

    “You.”

    Toop sounded startled, but his voice was soft, barely audible to anyone else. I sat still, avoiding his gaze. My heart pounded as if a drumline had taken up residence in my chest. Shame burned through me as I leaned into his broad shoulder—the shoulder of the man who was my husband. Yet I could not openly declare that he was mine. If my face were as fragile as glass, it would surely have cracked under the weight of my embarrassment.

    “Didn’t you hear me? And why isn’t P’Toop pushing him away? Why are you letting him—Ow! Why are you grabbing me? Don’t you know who I am!”

    I could only assume it was P’Thian stepping in to handle the actress, whose shrill voice filled the room.

    “Of course, I know who you are. But do you know who I am? Now, do you want to stay relevant, or would you rather I make one phone call that’ll ruin even your name?”

    “Huh?!”

    P’Thian’s icy tone silenced the entire room. I stayed where I was, nestled against Toop, not out of fear, but because of the overwhelming shame I felt for doing such a thing.

    “You’re doing your role well.”

    The whispered words near my ear made me flinch. I glanced up at Toop.

    “Thian already took her out.”

    I blinked and turned to look behind me. What had been a room with four people now held only the two of us—me and Toop. It was then I realized I was still clinging to his neck.

    “Where are you trying to go?”

    “Well, I-”

    I turned to him, intending to get off his lap, but instead of making it easier, my heart started pounding again. We were so close that our noses nearly touched. Instead of pushing me away, his hand on my back pulled me even closer.

    “Are you jealous, Anshan?”

    “I’m not—”

    I was not sure if it was jealousy, possessiveness, or something else entirely.

    But as his wife, was I not entitled to feel something?

    “Well?”

    “Ah, Mr. Toop.”

    “What’s that smell?”

    His tone abruptly turned harsh. His piercing gaze unsettled me as he leaned in, pressing his nose to my collar, and asked the question again with displeasure.

    “Did you hear me?”

    “I-it’s perfume.”

    “Did you usually use it?”

    Even after I had answered, his displeasure did not wane. His voice remained sharp.

    “Anshan.”

    I shook my head, avoiding his eyes, lowering my gaze as he scolded me.

    “P’Thian sprayed it on me while we were shopping.”

    “And you just let her do as she pleased?”

    “I—”

    That was all I could say. Meeting his gaze, the gaze of the actor whose voice was so stern, unlike when he was acting on camera, left me trembling. I was fully aware that we were a loveless couple, yet being so close that just a slight movement would lead to our kiss froze me in place. I stared as Toop leaned closer and closer.

    “Toop. You’re letting that—Oh!”

    Before anything more could happen, P’Thian’s loud voice interrupted us, and we pulled away abruptly. I was still on his lap, though Toop cleared his throat as if signaling me to get up.

    “I’m sorry,”

    I murmured, my voice quieter than usual, as I shifted to move away.

    “No need to get up.”

    P’Thian walked over and firmly held my shoulders, stopping me from leaving.

    “What are you doing?”

    Toop looked up at her, with me awkwardly stuck in the middle of their exchange.

    “Just making sure the couple gets some proper bonding time instead of letting that actress take your place. Honestly, Toop, what would you have done if we hadn’t come in? Let that sweet-faced actress who’s charming on camera but a total diva off-screen ride you all the way to heaven or hell?”

    “Thian.”

    “Don’t use that tone on me. Apologize to your wife.”

    “P’Thian.”

    I turned to look at her as she still gripped my shoulders.

    “And you, Anshan. Don’t look so meek and pitiful on behalf of this jerk. Ugh. Leaving the house early to come to the office—I thought he was here to work. Turns out he was meeting his mistress!”

    “I wasn’t meeting anyone!”

    “Then how did she get here?”

    “Well, I—”

    Toop hesitated, and it made my heart sink. But I had already suspected—if they had not arranged to meet, how could he, with his aversion to being near women, be alone in this room with her?

    “The more I talk to you, the angrier I get. Whatever you have to say, say it to Anshan yourself. I just brought your neglected wife here. Oh, and take him to lunch too.”

    “But P’Thian, we just—”

    We had just eaten at a barbecue restaurant before coming here, so why was P’Thian now telling Toop to—

    “Huh?”

    P’Thian feigned ignorance.

    “Didn’t you tell me in the car earlier that your stomach hurt because you were hungry? Anyway, I have to go now—Dad’s calling me. As for you, Toop, take Anshan out to eat. Learn to take care of your wife in between shoots for a change, instead of—”

    “I know. If you’re done lecturing, just leave already.”

    “Toop, you’re so—!”

    “Please leave.”

    P’Thian looked as if she might swing her leather bag at him but stopped short. Before leaving, she glanced down at me and gave me a quick wink. It was then I realized she had lied to make Toop take me out to eat. Even if he had agreed,

    “And how much longer do you plan to sit on my lap? Didn’t you say you were hungry?”

    “Are you… really taking me out to eat?”

    “After being ordered around by Thian like that, do you think I’d refuse—”

    Before he could finish his grumbling, I understood and nodded quietly, looking down. He had agreed to take me, but it was not out of his own desire.

    “Ah, Mr. Toop!”

    For some reason, I found myself wide-eyed as I tried, and failed, several times to get off his lap. To make it worse, I nearly fell face-first into him in the process.

    “You can be surprised, after all. So why do you always look so gloomy?”

    “I’m not—”

    “If you’re overthinking what I said earlier, fine. Yes, I couldn’t refuse Thian. But as your husband, on my day off, I’ll take you out to eat. As for that woman, I didn’t arrange to meet her for anything like that. But—” Abruptly, his tone softened after he had seized the conversation with his lengthy speech. “Never mind. I don’t want to talk about it.”.

    I nodded, my lips reflexively pressing together over and over. If he did not want to explain further, that was fine. The fact that he had said anything at all was more than enough for me.

    “What? After all I’ve said, all you do is nod?”

    “Then, do you—”

    How did he expect me to act, what expression did he expect make a face?

    Did he want me to cry and wail because he did not love me?

    Even though countless questions swirled in my mind, I said nothing. Our eyes met briefly in silence before Toop let me go and walked out of the company building.

    “What are you staring at?”

    It felt like déjà vu. I turned to see Toop wearing a face mask and tinted sunglasses that did nothing to diminish his good looks. He had gone to buy something, spending money as casually as he always did. Meanwhile, I had wandered off to browse and had once again found myself in a baby goods store. Toop approached me, asking the same question P’Thian had asked before.

    “Baby shoes.”

    It was the same shop as before, almost as if by coincidence I had ended up on this floor after lunch. I could not help but imagine how cute the baby would be, wearing those shoes if they were big enough to fit.

    “If you want them, just buy them.”

    “But—”

    “Or is it some belief of yours that you shouldn’t buy them before the baby comes?”

    Where had he gotten such ideas?

    “I don’t think that.”

    “Then what do you think?”

    “They’re not here yet.”

    My voice softened as I lowered my gaze to the blue shoes in front of me.

    No matter the baby’s gender, this pair would suit them—perfectly.

    “I haven’t been as busy with work lately compared to last month. A few more tries, and they’ll come.”

    “You—!”

    “What? Take as many pairs as you want so I can pay for them.”

    “Mr. Toop, you—”

    He was not just sharp-tongued; today I realized how much more extreme his words could be. This was the same Toop Pasutha, the famous actor I had admired before I knew we would have to marry. His words could be truly cutting. Yet, even as I gaped at him, my gaze drifted back to the baby's shoes, and I could not help but smile.

    Even if he did not love me, even if he said he only wanted a child and not a mother, I believed Toop would be a loving father. And this might be the only item for our child that we picked out together. So, I decided to take the shoes—at least I could keep this one thing.

    I smiled faintly as I got into the car ahead of Toop, my eyes fixed on the tiny pair of shoes. When I first learned that I had a hidden uterus—a trait not every man had—I admitted I was terrified. Still, I continued living as a man after receiving advice from the doctor and witnessing other men with similar conditions having children. It was not as bad as I had feared, and somewhere along the way, I had fallen for Toop Pasutha—a man I once thought was far beyond my reach.

    One reason we ended up married was because I could get pregnant.

    “All set?”

    I quickly placed the shoes into the bag as Toop got into the car. He nodded at me.

    “Is your stomach still hurting?”

    “What?”

    I furrowed my brows, suddenly remembering P’Thian’s lie. I had not corrected it either.

    “It’s—it's fine now.”

    Toop did not seem entirely convinced but did not press further.

    “Do you have anywhere else you want to go?”

    I looked at him, confusion clear in my eyes.

    Toop sighed before elaborating.

    “I told you, I’m free right now. Tell me—do you want to go anywhere else?”

    He removed his sunglasses, revealing his face, and I quickly lowered my gaze. Though we had been living together for some time, it was the first time we had talked like this. I could not deny that part of me felt happy about it, but another part still was not used to it. Yet, since he had asked so openly—

    “I’d like to visit home.”