How To…

Chapter 1

Being a Child Again

Passorn had once been ill… an illness that could be described as being bedridden.

Back when her acting career was going upward, she pushed herself to build her reputation by sleeping as little as possible, taking on as many jobs as possible. Having dramas she starred in airing four days a week was already considered peak, but attending four events in a single day was even more so. After doing this continuously for an entire month, though her mind told her that she could handle it, her body pressed the Shut Down button on its own.

And so, the twenty-three-year-old Passorn collapsed in the middle of an event stage.

When she woke up, she found herself lying on a hospital bed, surrounded by bouquets of flowers. At the foot of her bed, the television was left on. Though her eyes could open, her body felt as if it lacked tendons. The stress accumulated in every fiber of her muscles seemed to have exploded all at once, leaving her entire body sore. For the following two weeks, all she could do was eat and sleep.

Not much different from her current state…

At three months old, Passorn rolled in a second-hand hanging cradle. Her state resembled a round lump.

The cradle swayed slowly, with occasional jerks, in rhythm with the drowsy nodding of her young mother, who had her head buried in numerous opened books on a Japanese-style table.

Little did she know, the baby in the cradle had emotions too. Having startled awake countless times, she had no way out, and all she could do was cry.

After experiencing the fate of being murdered in a luxury hotel, her soul had left her body and ended up sitting, watching people engaging in … in the room next door. Then, in a state when she had yet to have her karma judged by the Yama and had not had her past-life memories erased, she found herself forming into an embryo of a human’s child again.

When she opened her eyes once again, she had become a little kid named "Pailin"—the daughter of "Mother Pimploy", the very woman she had been sitting and watching in the hotel room next door, where she had died.

Yes… that very same woman who had been engaged in the dot-dot-dot activity.

Her mother was quite beautiful… That was what Passorn in her past life—now Pailin in this life—thought. Her mother in this life was a woman with pale white skin, as bright as a lightbulb, glowing in the dark to the point where she would still be luminous even with the lights turned off. Large eyes, red lips, an oval-shaped face—overall, she looked almost perfect. Except for one thing… Mother couldn’t remember who Father was…

A person could ‘forget’ anyone, but they should never forget the father of their own child.

Just thinking about it made the daughter feel truly weary.

Pim, or Pimploy, jolted awake. She hurriedly set down the highlighter pen that was now leaking ink onto the paper and creating a circle. She moved closer to the cradle of her daughter, who was crying in it.

"There, there, what’s wrong, my daughter? Why are you crying?" Pimploy rocked the little kid back and forth.

The little one stopped crying immediately once she was in the embrace of the young woman who was her mother. Pailin pursed her lips, stuffed her own thumb into her mouth, and sucked on it, creating slurping sounds.

‘Hungry for milk,’ Passorn—or Pailin—thought to herself.

Pimploy understood easily, as mothers do. Her daughter still needed to drink milk from her breasts. The little one would wake up frequently, every three hours.

In truth, she herself did not even know whether her daughter was awake or not, because her daughter was a very quiet child. She would only cry when she was hungry. At other times, she would lie still. As long as the television was left on, the little one would lie still and occasionally make some sounds. This was a very good thing for her.

Pimploy was currently in her second year of university. It was a period when she had to study hard. She had not taken a drop because, in the early stages, her belly wasn’t too large. Her doctor had calculated that she would give birth precisely during the semester break. During that time, the young woman attended classes sporadically. Some people in her department did not even know she was pregnant. But even if they did, Pimploy did not care.

Her daughter was now four months old. The only concern she had was earning enough money to support both herself and her daughter to survive!!!!

The little one gazed at her mother’s face, feeling deeply pleased.

Her mother had charming facial features—sharp eyes, thick straight hair, an oval-shaped face, and lips of a pink hue. The young woman was someone who refused to give up. Lately, she seemed to be so busy with everything that dark circles had begun to appear under her eyes. The one with little hands raised her tiny index finger and pressed against the corner of her mother’s eyes, stroking it back and forth, feeling sorry for her. How much patience did a single woman need to raise a child?

“Ma.” She made a sound with her weak tongue. That really was all she could manage.

“Drink your milk, Daughter. Mommy has to go study for exams.” She lowered her head and kissed the little forehead before lifting her shirt and bringing her breast to the little girl’s mouth to feed her milk.

Even though Little Pailin, on the inside, was an adult who understood things, she could not resist the instincts of a newborn. And so, she focused on drinking her mother’s milk before drifting off to sleep.

The next day, Pimploy took Pailin to be looked after at the laundry shop beneath the dormitory. Though she called it leaving her in care, it was actually paying for care on a monthly basis—three thousand five hundred baht per month. Compared to hiring people at a nursery to take care of her, this was much cheaper. However, the owner of the laundry shop accepted it, since Pailin was a well-behaved child, she never cried or fussed. Her duty was to pump milk into bottles before heading off to work.

Pimploy had started working as a sales assistant at a luxury clothing brand in a renowned shopping mall located in a tourist district. The store’s uniform was simple and elegant. Fortunately, it was a benefit provided by the shop, so she did not have to pay for it herself.

With her beautiful, adorable face that seemed friendly, she helped increase the store’s sales slightly. The store manager was really pleased. However, the only downside was that the young woman worked only three days a week.

There was a reason for this. Pimploy openly told the muscular male store manager—who was somewhat effeminate—that she needed to have time for her studies and her daughter, even though money was extremely important.

Behind the store, there was a changing room. The store uniforms, washed and ironed, were neatly packed in bags. While the young mother was putting her belongings into her locker,

"Miss Little Pim, you’re here already? I have a favor to ask, and there’s payment for it. Interested?" Adis, the store manager, burst into the room.

"What do you need help with, Brother Adis?" Pimploy made a confused face.

"Well, in the next two or three days, we need to shoot a video to promote the brand on our website. The brand owner wants background actors wearing the store’s employee uniform. Miss King said that your face is quite good looking, so we don’t need to hire anyone else. Interested?" Adis stood, smiling broadly as he waited for an answer.

Pimploy’s eyes lit up after she heard that. Her heart trembled when she thought about vaccine costs and diaper expenses for the next month. Thus, she replied without having to think.

"Absolutely, I’d be happy to."

The young woman gave Adis a beautiful smile. The young man clapped his hands loudly before pacing back and forth to find paper to write down the details for her. The young women worked the entire day with great joy. She did nothing and there was a job for her. How great was that? She smiled beautifully in the store and attended to five or six well-off customers, then waited for the time to go home.

Pailin lay in a hanging cradle in one corner of the shop, wiggling her fingers while hugging a milk bottle, listening to the news comfortably. She was lucky to have been born in the same time period as when she had died—not being born into another world or universe like in those fictional stories people made up.

…Even the person she hated most was still alive and appearing on television.

Just mentioning it made her heart weary. A top-tier young leading actress like her had ended up trapped in the body of a child, while that extremely fake second-tier leading actress—who was beautiful only on her face—had risen to snatch up every job she had originally booked. And that wasn’t even counting the man she had set her sights on, who had made headlines on an entertainment program, revealing that he was dating that woman. Utter nonsense.

She clenched the rubber pacifier between her gums in a frenzied manner, then forced herself to sleep.

By the time Pailin opened her eyes again, it was already evening. She saw her mother carrying a heap of belongings in the distance, while Aunt Im, the laundry shop owner, who buried herself in the steam mist of the steam iron, quickly arranged to pick her up and hand her over to Pimploy.

"Ahh, eh.” Drool pooled into a puddle, dripping onto Aunt Im’s shirt. The aunt quickly grabbed a cloth to wipe it, but it nearly ended up being shoved into her mouth, causing her to spit out even more saliva two or three times.

"My dear daughter, Mommy’s here to pick you up." The young mother called out with a clear voice. "Was my daughter naughty, Aunt Im?"

"Not at all. She lay quietly the whole day. I left the TV on for her, and she just stared at it with those clear eyes." Aunt Im said while handing over the little one.

"That’s good. Stay easygoing. If you get fussy, it’ll be a hassle with no one to help take care of you." With one hand holding her child, Pimploy placed her bags of belongings down, rummaged through her purse to find money. She pulled out three thousand five hundred baht and handed it to Aunt Im. "Here you go, Aunt. This month’s childcare fee. If it weren’t for you, I’d be in trouble."

"Oh, we’re all like family."

They exchanged a few more courteous words before parting ways.

One of Pimply hands was used to carry things, while the other used to hold her baby. She clumsily unlocked the door. Mother and daughter bathed together, then dusted themselves with fragrant powder. The young woman sat down to manage her income and expenses, mumbling from time to time—while Pailin secretly eavesdropped on her all along.

The little baby gnawed on her pacifier to pass the time. She was a kid, so she could only sleep and wake up. She could not lift her head, and it was hard to lift her arms. It was incredibly boring. Right now, she had to cry for food on a schedule to ensure she would grow up nicely and beautifully.

Eight months passed so quickly as if it was just a lie. Pailin started to have vertical development. Her legs were now strong enough to walk short distances. Her mother had put a bell anklet on her ankle so that whenever she walked, there would be a jingling sound.

Lately, Pimploy had been able to save up more money, because—by sheer luck—she had caught the attention of a modeling agency, leading to her getting frequent modeling gigs.

The young woman used the money to spoil her daughter by buying a playpen for the little girl to live in.

The ‘playpen’ in question was a soft cushion with walls and a square-shaped floor. It was a space where guardians felt reassured to confine their children and grandchildren to it and sneak off to cook, clean their houses and do other things.

As for the mother, she spent her time happily watching drama series. Some days, she went to model for general fashion photoshoots. Sometimes, she worked as a model for amateur photographers, earning just a few thousand baht per session, but the work kept coming in steadily.

These days, there was a matter she had to seriously think about—her internship during the school break. It was a mandatory credit requirement that all university students had to complete. That meant she would no longer be able to work at the clothing store three days a week. She would also have to work full-time at whatever company was participating in the university’s program. She might return home late, which would reduce the time she had to care for her child.

An old smartphone, which had started to slow down, echoed with a vibration sound when there was an incoming message. The young woman picked it up to check. It turned out to be from an amateur photographer who had hired her not long ago for a shoot for his portfolio.

A set of photos had been sent over, along with a caption:

‘I thought these looked beautiful. Keep these for your personal use, Big Sister.’

Fifteen photos had been sent via LINE. The image size was not very large, but the details were sharp and clear. They were pictures of her taken in a flower garden, her body surrounded by vines and roses. The images had already been edited—the parts that needed to be dark were dark, the parts that needed emphasis were emphasized, giving a fine dreamlike mood.

Pimploy clicked to download the entire album, then selected one image. She used it as her Instagram’s update, writing a short caption just to follow the pattern.

If you love roses, don’t hate their thorns.

For work, TEL: 089 - xxxxxxx

Then she hit share and closed the app indifferently, before going back to watching her drama series.

Meanwhile, little Pailin stood clutching the playpen, secretly watching her mother from behind. In her hand, she held a water-filled rubber ring in the shape of a donut, which she had stuffed into her mouth and was biting to ease the itch around her teeth. The little kid stared at her mother’s laptop with a certain intention…, one that no one knew about.

A new morning of the week. Today, Pimploy wasn’t going to work, but she had to go to the university to complete paperwork for her internship.

The young woman was studying in the Faculty of Communication Arts, majoring in Public Relations. With all the contents of the courses she had studied, she could intern in many different fields. That was to be expected—these worldly industries focused on creativity, an understanding of people and markets, and the exchange of satisfaction, which at times was intangible. Naturally, there were hundreds of thousands of careers to choose from. However, the important aspect of working under the university’s name was the company’s reputation. If one could intern at a top-tier company, their profile would be prestigious—as if they had been handed a VIP pass upon graduation.

And, of course, these companies had already been claimed by the top students of her year. Everyone was aiming for television or drama production companies, hoping there might be an opportunity of having their talents noticed by influential figures and earning an opportunity to rise to fame.

Her slender white fingers traced the list of company names and descriptions on the board. In the boxes at the very end, there were spaces to write down names and student IDs. Some boxes had been overfilled to the point that extra sheets of paper had to be attached. But due to limited spots, those people would later be filtered out by the department’s professors and forced to choose again. By then, all the good jobs would have already been taken.

‘So many people want it. Surely, there must be so much work. Too much work means no time to take care of my child.’

Pimploy thought in her head, crossing her arms and touching her chin. She made a face that showed she was deep in thought. Production companies, advertising agencies, record companies, radio broadcasting firms.

Publishing companies. Oh... This publishing company still had no one signed up. This one, then.

She picked up a pen and wrote her name down, then walked toward the elevator to leave the building.

Ding…

The elevator doors opened. A group of people, who dressed in university female uniforms, stepped out. Pimploy was somewhat familiar with the faces of these people.

"Ohhhh. Haven’t seen you in ages, Pim. If a class doesn’t take attendance, you never show up." Saiparn, a faculty’s cheerleader from her year, greeted her straightforwardly. Behind her was a troop of transgender friends who cross-dressed. They looked even more beautiful than the other three women.